How to Age Gracefully v36

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.”

~ Dostoyevsky

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

It took almost 9 years of clinical practice to have a answer to the question, “Why did / do you want to be a therapist?” I can’t, in earnest, say something as noble or altruistic as “I just want to help other people” or “I want to give to people what I was / wasn’t offered.”

The closest thing to the truth that I’ve been able to find is:

I was (am?) mostly lost and confused and figured the best way forward was to listen to other people, so that’s mostly what I do for a living now.

When I was in graduate school a decade ago I had already deduced that I probably wouldn’t stay a practicing therapist for the rest of my life. The difference, throughout the evolution of maturity in my career, is that now the reason or circumstances as to why have changed.

Then, I imagined I would just go as hard as I could until the wheels fell of and then burn out and ride off into the sunset withered and defeated with my head slumped.

Now, the perspective I have is that — I still don’t know when, but — I will make an intentional choice to hang my hat (and proverbial guns) up and walk away with a smile. I will pivot with invigorated purpose and graceful poise.

None of my colleagues — in any discipline — would be surprised or disappointed if I called them today and said I was retiring to open a ranch and martial arts school in Montana.

Is 36 too soon to have a mid-life crisis? I guess I can expect to get another 30-40 years of Earth-life; so technically, begrudgingly, that makes me “middle-aged.”

I haven’t moved to Montana, yet, but I did start my own business. I guess I owe it to myself, if I’m only going to get one 40-year-do-over on this rock, I better get it right(er) the second time around.

I haven’t changed the banner on my Facebook page in over a decade (not that I’m active there anyway), and the comic website it’s taken from has since closed. The image simply states:

“Having all the answers means you’ve been asking boring questions.”

~ a softer world.

About 8 years ago, there was a beautifully inspiring video I found on YouTube about a radio station closing. The video’s description reads “People of all ages offer words of wisdom to their younger counterparts in this WireTap farewell video, from CBC Radio One.”

That inspired me to make a resolution for myself. Every year, on my birthday, I make a statement giving some sort of advice to my one-year-younger-self; typically regarding something I’ve learned over the past year.

When I started the document I was 28, so I had some backtracking to do and picked some archetypal milestones to refer back to:

• Dear 8 year-old self…

  • … from your 28 year-old self.

• Dear 12 year-old self…

  • … from your 28 year-old self.

• Dear 16 year-old self…

  • … from your 28 year-old self.

• Dear 19 year-old self…

  • … from your 28 year-old self.

• Dear 27 year-old self…

  • … from your 28 year-old self.

Every year I re-read all of the previous statements and try to collect wisdom from my experiences. I try to drink it in, savor the suffering and joy alike. For what it’s worth the existentialists were never happy and the stoics were only good at poker.

“I dare do all that may become a man,
Who dares do more is none.”

~ Shakespeare, Macbeth

How to Age Gracefully:

It frustrates me to no end how many themes continue to echo through the chapters of my life. Honest reflections and assessments tell no lies.

Dear 29 year old self,

Sooner or later you’ve got to start doing things just for yourself, simply because they make you happy, and because no one will do it for you.

They do sometimes leave things out though. It’s easy, for me at least, to lean (notably) towards the pessimistic side of these kinds of articles (i.e. What I got wrong or what’s missing from my life?). Perhaps the turn for my next 30 years is to owe myself some congratulations.

Refer a friend

When I was first contemplating going completely out on and into business on my own, I told many therapist friends — “I need a job (or a way to work) that loves me back some (more)” in combination with some variation of “I don’t know how many more wars of or miles on the heart I can endure.”

Maybe I’m only seeing half the picture though. What if, the answer isn’t just in looking back, but also forward. If I’m going to need / to find / do more things with love in my life, then what, and how, and when? … and get the fuck after it!

Dear 35 year-old self,

It’s lonely always looking back. Try moving forward.

~ Your 36 year-old self.

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